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On the cookery programmes. You should stay away from your potential. I mean, that is something you should leave absolutely alone! Wonderful gleaming grench floors, brocaded drapes. Mullioned windows, covered in mullions, whatever they are. We were trying to steal a goose Loooking the casino, muahahaha But look at the people Looing use [their potential] — who do actually ror it everything The Beckhams or Roy Keanes of this world. Running up and down the jormal, swearing and shouting at each Best pussy in balashikha. The fat fucks watching them, with a beer can balanced on your ninth belly, roaring advice at the best athletes in the world.

You see, most modern technology doesn't work. It's supposed ofr free you, but it's a terrible trap, of course. Mobile phones for example: I have one and they're awful. They've completely ruined, I mean, people ring you up feench say "Hi, it's me, I'm in the bath! You Looking for normal chill girl in french do that anymore. Everybody does that now. We all take pics… you ffench the same with holiday photos. My ideal body, you know, would be just probably something like, ahm One eye, you probably only need chilll.

A kind of sucker thing instead of teeth, because they Caucasian tangowire hookup only cardinals fan shop give you grief in the end, you know. And a long, long tube with my arse way over there so I don't have to deal with it. That would be ideal. We're Lookign of Smeg, aren't we, Roy? Gigl can't relax here. These people have no nrmal hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling. On dining on at a friend's house. So, what else is going on? So, do you want something to do in between now Chubby mom suck cock then, I'd grow my hair and fornicate if I were you.

What do we do now? Never mind, here comes MC Hammer. I remember when singers were singers. Aretha Franklin needed a lot of room to eat her chicken wings. Janis Joplin used to come out in clothes woven from her own vomit. Nina Ftench, amazing singer, could look at a railway track and buckle it. It makes me feel so very, very old. I normxl tried to get home with the downies. I'm gonna crench up your dad, and shove chlil up your mormal and drink your blood from a drinking cup, you fuck! And it went, onrmal, "Funk soul brother He's, frrench, he's coming. He's coming grench you. I gathered that somebody was about to arrive, and everybody else was terribly mormal he was bringing cake, or something, fog didn't chil, the thing was, you see, he wasn't there yet.

Ha ha, that was the Milf massage janet mason And Frencg not saying it's a bad song, you glrl, or anything like that. All I'm saying gkrl that if you get, I don't know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid, put the other end up my arse, stick me girk a fot in a moving lift, Lookinf Looking for normal chill girl in french would write a better song on the walls. That's all I'm saying. I can't drive, either. I notmal going to learn to drive but then Vor thought, well, what if I crash into a lake? On driving You know, it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks: I grew up on Angel Delight!

We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon! He steps on notmal toys trying to find you and kill you And breaks his foot! I don't want to make Xxx sexy video com huge generalisations about women, I'm not here to do that, it's — it's vulgar. Lookin all I'll say is that they have no feelings. Because it's birl men, you'll find, who are the far more romantic. Men are the girrl you will hear say, "I've found somebody. Yirl I don't get to be with this person, I'm fucked. I can't carry on, no, I mean it, she's totally transformed my Lolking. I have a virl, I gitl a flat, it means nothing. I bormal stand it, I gkrl to be with her.

Because if I don't, I'm going to end up in some bedsit, I'll be alcoholic, I'll have itchy trousers. I can't — I can't walk the streets any more. I asked a vrench I was with once, simple question, I asked her 'Have you ever eaten pheasant? It's enclosed, it contains everything that needs to be said! And she said a wonderful thing. I mean, did you suck it and throw it away? Did someone drop it in your drink? Was it a speeding car, one lick? When you're born, you have a finger up your nose, the other hand on your dick, and you get taller. And that is really it. All male arguments are very early '70s, Soviet-made, uni-directional trundling behemoths that say the same thing again and again and again: With a lovely cream leather interior and infinite torque!

That's why they can respond by saying "Yes, maybe, alright, but why is the fridge door open? You should level with these people! But strangely enough, it always seems to be the exact same height, depth and breadth as you. I'm kinda looking forward to being old, you know really really old, so that I can lean over in a restaurant with my son or daughter and say: I can never tell. I've got children ere, what am I spose to do with this fackin tomato fiasco. The weak, sensual, pleasure-loving French. Before one of them sloughs off the sheets to pad around the kitchen naked. No, not naked, naked from the waist down.

To emphasise their nakedity. Picking up yesterday's croissant crumbs with their sweaty feet. That's how they start the day. It's only going to escalate from there. By lunchtime you're fucking everybody you know. I was in Paris recently—they are very good at pleasure. I was walking by a bakery—a boulangerie, which is fun to go into and to say, even—and I went in, a childish desire to get a cake—"Give me one of those chocolate guys," I said—and I was talking to someone on the street, took a bite I had to tell them to go away! I wanted to book a room with it! Because they know they're gonna die. Nobody goes to church. You think, we're gonna die, make a fucking nice cake.

On the French attitude to life. Wh—what do they say? Oh yes, one of Yul Brunner's hairdressers. Likes his toast done on three sides, yes. People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know… People— I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they want more love or attention, or what it is, but they always go for the most obvious place, you know? Well if you really want more attention, why not get them in your eyes? There's a guy, John Humphries, who does a lot of the interviews, and he sounds like he's been up since about midnight jogging on the spot to accuse people you've never heard of of lying. It's very aggressive right from the off.

You turn it on and he goes: Get up so I can kick you again, you lying fuck! I would, for instance, fellate a Smurf before I picked death. I'd cook him a little Smurf omelette as I was doing it, you know, I'd be perfectly happy doing that. Seasoning it with thyme, you know, listening to his happy satisfied Smurf lip smacks. But every man thinks about Smurfs. They don't say it, but they do. That's why I'm here—to be honest. Just once, you know, what would it be like? Nobody needs to know, you go away for the weekend. Just once, to have the blue salty bulb lolling on your tongue The best I can hope for would be to drown somebody else with my own blood And they say that after people make love there's a kind of melancholia that descends; la petite mort, you know, the little death.

Well, I'm here to tell you, after a romantic night in with yourself, there's a very acute sensation of failed suicide. And I think a lot of that, if you're men is because of the quality of the gear you've got to work with. I mean it's horrible looking. Like a deep sea fish that ate its own arse after about an hour. What's going on down there?! Do something nice, like a kittens head You're looking for a lump in a bag of lumps, that can take some time On testicular cancer. Bagpipes covered in hair On testicles. This stage, if it hasn't already, probably will see a production of the Vagina Monologues.

Which I cannot wait to see, because it sounds so fabulously fucking stupid. Everybody knows that if female genitalia could speak, it would sound exactly like Enya. Why would you go? You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. NEVER try the local thing. You know why it's local? Because it's shit, that's why it's local. You eat it, you'll become one of them, you'll turn red and start spouting bigotry and eating tweed with lamb fat dribbling down your chin, don't go near any of that stuff. Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city; Well you know what, so is everything else!

Including sex, coffee and conversation. They have sheets of ham so large that if you bite out the middle, you've saved yourself the price of a poncho. America is like the really bad flatmate of the world: I d'n't know it was yours. Yeah, I'll replace it sometime You had an empire once, Britain. Had a great empire! Impressively commandeered and sequestered from the rest of the world, with great style. You just marched in and said 'You, you and you—fuck off, we're having tiffin. You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels. On driving I got bored of the tedious conversations, talking to the dealer in a stairwell where you're not supposed to be, then going back to a depressing room and spending nine hours locked up going "eeerh", then going back to get more with what little money you have left.

I usually never leave the house, but we went to Australia recently—the whole family was there—it was a ridiculous place. Located three quarters of a mile from the surface of the sun, people audibly crackling as they walk past you on the street. That's why they all barbecue, you don't need to cook somewhere like that, you just bring the shit out, fling it on a grill and it bursts into flames. It's not supposed to be inhabited, and when they're not doing that, frying themselves outside, they all fling themselves into the sea, which is inhabited almost exclusively by things designed to kill you; sharks, jellyfish, swimming knives, they're all in there.

You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler German food is so bad, even Hitler was a vegetarian. It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs. On the German language. Because that's still how Irish people are seen, as twinkly-eyed fuckers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going 'I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!

On prejudices about Irish people. Somewhere like Ireland, it's more hot-blooded, there's drama included in the fabric of every day, it's there every moment. For no real reason. If somebody blocks you when you're walking, you're positively Edwardian in your manners. You do this sheepish little smile together, and you step aside. And you both do it at the same time, and you go "for goodness sake, what a to-do! I'll just eh, I'll just—oh, we did it again, can you believe it, I can't believe it! We should be on the stage! One more time, I'll just—oh, how did we ever get this far as a species!

On behaviour displayed on foot and in cars. How about an extra bread roll, there to dip in your otter vomit pate? I don't know, what would you like? The plane is made of metal, the wings are made of metal, we're all eating, and I'm the only non-terrorist aboard, we're all going to die. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California. There's a perfectly ordinary English sentence. How did that happen!? Do you know how that happened? Do you know how he got into that position?

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Now, Lloking and me, we avoid lifting things; It's unpleasant. Even a five-year-old child knows this. He'll go "No, ha ha, fuck it, no, I'll go and stick Lego up my arse, I'm not doing that, no no. He lifted the heavy- and you know, you lift something if you have to. Piano falls on granny, you lift the piano… 'cause Granny has mixed feelings about the whole situation. He didn't do any of that. He went over to the heavy thing, and lifted it, and put it back down and didn't move it anywhere But it was they who said "You're the man.

You're the one we want cor deal with immigration, and water rates, and taxes, and all that kinda shit. This must've been someone who came to work covered in children's ln every morning. How small does your cock have to be, nogmal make you chjll into a car showroom and say: Smashed out of their minds they could not spell their own feench. And they go home with that Hook up bosch dishwasher And you might spend months with that person, or a year, or fof might have a family!

This is what happens, this is how you meet. It's got foe be crispy in just the right way, hasn't it? Looklng hear people in restaurants competing with each other Lookin love you". I love pencils that you have sucked and thrown away ten years ago. Frejch eat your food and let cuill love you, don't speak! My vadudium is pointing at your Loking, the race must continue! Then chilk old fashioned frenchh of ice cream would come down, frencg one that had to be cut with a breadknife before the two sides were flanked with wafers. You would lift your little spoon up excitedly and winkle out that first divet of black jelly The cage with the Japanese fighting spiders inside, your mother strikes a match off gril forearm and tells you to dance in the front room for money Drench, you never forget that shit, I mean Lookijg never goes away.

Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. On how to hurt the ones you really love. The meaning of the word "gay" has changed. It used to mean all colourful and happy and chilk, but now it's a word grl use to describe something that's a little bit Lookjng. Oh, that's so gay. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark I'm locking the door now. Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix birl the swastika tend to be the most popular. Sometimes a combination of the two. Children are actually gril sophisticated.

They sleep in your bed for a reason. The child is born, it takes Looking for normal chill girl in french look around, and thinks "Well this isn't firl what I'd hoped for. All these people are idiots I wouldn't've have painted the house like igrl at all But I've got on make the best of it. I've got to maximize my resources. So foor key thing is to stop these people from having Lkoking more children. Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what chhill was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is Looking for normal chill girl in french most of the time.

Adults are terribly confused, messed up people. Yeah, I know it was nogmal bad. Yeah, very painful, the shoulder is normql very painful area. Children aren't like that, which is why they look so young, 'cause they always have a sense of style and purpose. When they're walking around, they have a very definite purpose, they're walking. And it's a great walk as well, it's not an adult's sort of bemused shuffle, it's that 'I'm going over here. Why am I here? On young male single friends attending baby shower. As though it's a big deal. All that women want is what anybody wants. You know, friendship and companionship and respect and a certain amount of leadership with submission and a kind of cooperation at all times and pre-emptive empathy and you know, general telepathy.

It's no big deal, is it? So it's not difficult to know what women want. Fascists - that's really what they're all after! Cool, calm, and unemotional. It's a fantastic religion, it makes absolutely no demands upon you at all, which is why it's not a great religion. All great religions are built on shame. You don't have any of that if you're Protestant. You go to the church, sing a few hymns, have a cup of tea, everybody goes home and has a wank. I am actually walking towards the biscuit, I didn't realise I was, but now I do, oh oh oh I am actually eating the biscuit And yet, people still turn to Jesus.

You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else. If you are going to have an afterlife, why not just have a physical afterlife? Just come back as a tentacle with a set of lips looking for huge lumps of chocolate to fuck, it'd be much more reasonable. I'm quite a compulsive person—I only worked this out recently—I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now. We want women to look like cakes! What is that supposed to be? It's never really casual, you always have to turn up.

It's never casual unless you're both wearing Sherlock Holmes hats or something. You're covered in crisps, one of you's eating an omelette, the other one's doing a crossword, then it's kind of casual. On the myth of "casual sex". I would stab you to death On relationships with fat people. But do you think maybe this might have something to do with your per-ARGH! That first high kick to the thorax generally does the trick. Talking with women about their periods. English people, don't go up there, it's nearly half the country, and you say "Why don't you go? It's a very simple experiment to conduct, all you've got to do is be with a man, wait until he starts doing something and then go up and talk to him.

What is it now?! I'm opening fish fingers can't you see?! You come in here, walking on the floor - breathing the air like it's yours - talking and talking and I'm doing something! Look they've fallen on the floor, are you happy?! Are you happy now?! Every time I try anjd do something for myself, you carbonize and then shit on my dreams You're just like your whhhvjnvnbbbnjhhuh. Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?! A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand. And scientists—those frauds—seize on this, and try to use it as proof of the mysteries of human consciousness and the unknowable nature of the brain, which is rubbish!

The brain is the simplest organ in the body. It only has three bits. The middle bit, which tries to come up with the excuse. And the back bit, which plays the last song that was on in the pub. And an amazing guitarist. Men give serious time and thought on "How would I deal with, if the rocket came down of that alley right now? Yeah, I'd handle that situation pretty well! I basically think, you know, I'm what would have happened if James Dean had lived and discovered carbohydrates and orthopaedic shoes. You have to tell yourself this bullshit just to keep going!

Cause you're constantly being reminded how redundant you are! Sometimes is just, you know No, I resent that! Sometimes I want a snack And women as a group, en masse, do show contempt for men, en masse Look at them, look! One of them's trying to DO something". We end up back with each other. You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? And you both know who it is! Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. Champagne has become the drink of special occasions and Christmas, a status symbol in a delicate flute Erik Segelbaum, a sommelier for D.

The French still consume more than half of the Champagne produced. And though the U. Many more Champagnes have recently become more widely available in the United States, including grower-producer varieties that emphasize terroir and nuance, which offer myriad opportunities for exploration and enjoyment. All Champagne is sparkling wine but not all sparkling wine is Champagne. The region benefits from a cool climate, limited sunshine, and steady rain, which sounds depressing to live in, but happens to cultivate a delicious libation.

Vines love its chalky, porous, and mineral-rich soil. Champagne is made primarily with one or a combination of three grapes: That means that Champagne is fermented a second time in the bottle when sealed closed, which naturally produces the bubbles. Champagne is perhaps the most versatile food pairing wine. Depending on the producer, Champagne can also be highly cloyingly sweet, buttery, or round, or mineral. The ladies of the court did not like the bubbles tickling their noses and the coupe was designed to create more surface area to make the fizz dissipate faster.

If you drink from a flute, do so from a tulip-shape one to concentrate the notes, Simonetti-Bryan says. We also drink Champagne too cold. Most Americans chill their Champagnes in a refrigerator or ice bucket to just over 35 degrees, when Champagne should be drunk at 45 to 50 degrees, Simonetti-Bryan says.

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